A Man of Some Importance

World renowned Keith Lemon impersonator Kell Brook is back to once again distribute his mythical brand of ‘chocolate brownies’ to another below world level operator, AND FANS ARE GOING CRAZY!

The man who once donned the appellation ‘southpaw slayer’ will face Mark DeLuca, the Massachusetts southpaw and holder of the coveted NABA Super Welter Title. The last time Brook fought a southpaw was against failed Gran Turismo merchant Errol Spence Jr, who had to rely on a lucky punch from the Gods to cause a freak one in a million injury to brook, forcing the weight drained hero to unfairly slip onto his knee for longer than intended during a misguided count by the ref. Brook’s unfortunate time out of the ring has meant the champions at 147, 154 and 160 have officially been off-notice for some time, however that is set to change. With another big performance, Sheffield’s Own will force the aforementioned champions to amend their status to ON-NOTICE once again.

DeLucas isn’t as bad a fighter as some assumed when the fight was announced, however should Brook have any ambition of fighting for world honours at Light-Middleweight (which he definitely does, he said so) he’ll need to prove he’s a level above the Mark DeLuca’s of this world, which after his run of Murderer’s Row since fighting Porter, may be tricky. There also looms the fabled fight against King Khan, which Brook has in no way been stringed along on a whimsy by. Khan - who is currently on a hot 1-0 streak - would make for a succulent opponent. Both fighters are in their prime and it’s a simple sell out for Wembley. But could Brook be talked out of the World Title route to take on Khan? Well, whilst sipping the toxically masculine pink lemonade in his hand outside a bar in Tenerife, Brook famously quipped “I can resist anything except temptation”.

We mostly remember Brook for being robbed against Gennady Golovkin after assiduously laying the elusive blueprint on how to beat the Kazakh in just a few rounds. Just as Brook was bobbing and weaving GGG’s shots like the monarchy dodges responsibility for its sexually deviant Prince Andrew, his corner accidentally threw the towel into the ring, forcing an error from the ref once again. The towel was being thrown across to Joe Gallagher in the crowd to clear up the jizz he’d just discharged at a Dog’s Trust advert he saw on his mobile. Asked afterwards how he remained calm during the regrettable ordeal, Brook mused “life is too important to be taken seriously”.

Brook’s steely stoic mentality is one perhaps we could all learn from. A true gentleman of the sport, Brook has shown that he is willing to both allow men to jab him in the ring but to also fall adoringly into their arms as a mark of respect afterwards too. A real man’s man. But more than just being a brute, Brook is quite the sassy comic. On return from his nondescript holiday in Spain, customs cheekily asked Brook if he had anything to declare. Never one to shy away from confrontation, Brook offered “nothing but my genius”. We wish Brook the best in his upcoming pool parties.